I have been called a hopeless romantic by my friends, those who’ve known me for a long time. And they’re right, I am. I believe in the power of love, and I don’t give up on the idea of love or having a relationship or both just because one relationship didn’t go well. Or a few.
I have had many a relationship to this day, some were excellent, some were experiences, some were mistakes, but none were regrets. I never got a chance to tell them what I thought of the little treasures I got out of being with each of them. This is an open letter to them, thanking them for everything good while it lasted, and everything gained after it didn’t.
To the very first girlfriend, thank you for introducing me to the butterflies in my stomach.
I was young, naive, and didn’t know the difference between attraction and infatuation, love and lust. So when you asked me out, I played along, because it was all so new. I knew for the first time, what it was like to hold the hand of a girl (yeah, I was kind of a loser before), what it was like to have warm fuzzies when I thought about you, what it was like to kiss a girl for the first time.
Thank you, for all the firsts. It was all very juvenile and rough, but it was all beautiful.
To the abusive girlfriend, thank you for showing me the importance of self-worth.
I was still young, dependent, and probably a loser. And you didn’t hold back in rubbing it in my face, in company or otherwise. I’ve spent my nights bawling my eyes out, while you ignored my phone calls and text messages. I forgot what it was like to love my family and friends, because whatever I had with you occupied every waking moment of mine. You controlling behaviour led me to slip into depression, and the cut marks on my arm are proof of that.
Thank you, for making me realise, tough love notwithstanding, that no man can love anyone else if he does not love himself.
To the one who cheated on me, thank you for making me realise how easy it is to let go.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Agreed, I was horny and knew that I was looking for something casual, but so were you. When did we go down the road and become serious? I knew you were insatiable, it was apparent in the many times we’ve shared a bed. But then, you went ahead and cheated behind my back, then asked your friends to keep mum, then asked for a break up because “Things were cold between us.” I felt the same thing, but when the big reveal came, it amused me. I thought it happens only in movies, and when it happened to me, I was stumped because I didn’t know how to react.
Thank you, for laying it down so easy for me, and for always being so nonchalant. It was very easy to forget you.
To the ones who didn’t work out, thank you for showing me that hope never dies.
I have pined, I have thought up a million scenarios, I have hopelessly run behind you all at some point, but could never catch you. Like a butterfly through a tulip field, you weren’t meant to be caught, because your beauty was in being free. I faltered, I agree, at a point, and I thought that I’ll never get something better than this. But that was never the case. Hope, it’s been known, springs eternal. I won’t use the more fish in the pond allegory here, because it doesn’t do justice to the wonderful human beings you all have been.
Thank you, for being there when I needed you, and for putting the necessary wall between us, so that I could stand up again.
And finally, to the one who will stay, thank you for seeing me for what I am.
I’m not perfect. I’m far from that. But I know in my heart of hearts that you will be, whenever you choose to stay. Our souls will entwine and call out to each other, and we will fit like the last two pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. Come along when both you and I are ready. Come along when we both know that whatever we’ll have next will be our forever. Come along, for true love.
Thank you, for showing me the beauty of patience, and how those who believe in love are the luckiest people on this planet.
Like books that I’ve read and forgotten, read and remembered, and then read and reread, all of you have left a part of you in me, and changed me a bit more every time, like the old bookshelf that gathers dust around the books and then the dust becomes a part of the shelf.
Thank you, for everything.