I really don’t like thinking about this time. Just saying the words are hard: My wife was raped.
There’s grief and anger — rage really, like I’ve never felt before toward anyone, wanting to find this man . . . . Above all, there was frustration. Jennifer had just been through something so horrible and scary and I couldn’t make it better. I couldn’t fix it for her.I had so many regrets running through my head. How would things have been different IF?: If I’d driven to the hotel where she’d been staying the week to surprise her (I almost did.) If I’d asked her not to take that out of town job. If this, if that. . . .
We had just set Jennifer up with a therapist to help her work through some of the early signs of PTSD – nightmares and panic attacks, when we found out she was pregnant. From somewhere near Aruba where she was working on a cruise ship she calls me: “I’m pregnant.”
People always seem surprised by my reaction, and I never understand it. I didn’t think, “What do we do now?” I knew what was right already. She just told me the news. I thought, “Okay. This is what we’re doing now.”
A baby is the beginning of something — not a “problem” to fix.
The words “I’m pregnant” should never be followed by, “What should we do about it?” The thing is, it wasn’t ever “Her rapist got her pregnant,” or “Because she was assaulted, now she’s having a baby.” It was: My wife is pregnant. We’re having a kid. A new baby. There’s a blank canvas.
This child on the way didn’t make any decisions about his conception. How could anyone place blame on him?
We knew that the pregnancy would be physically difficult for Jen — we had no idea just how bad — but emotionally, we both saw this baby as something beautiful coming from such evil. It may sound strange to others, but we really did, and do, see our son as a blessing.
I’ve never considered my son to be “somebody else’s.” As we were working through the most horrible thing my wife had ever been through in her life, we were also having a baby. These things never seemed connected. I don’t look at any of my other kids and think, “Oh, that one — he was from our New York trip. . . . And her over there? She was the night in ’97 when the power went out.”
Jennifer and I are so spiritually and emotionally connected. She’s been my soul mate since I met her at fifteen. In both of our minds, there really was no discussion to be had. My bride was having a baby. Therefore, we were having a baby. That’s all.
It’s been two years since she was raped, and I still have moments of anger. They don’t come as often. I see the effects of my wife’s assault still. We know there are lifelong effects of rape which probably won’t ever go away and we’re coping with those issues. However, separate and apart from that, we have this 18 month old. I think it’s safe to say that he’s my favorite. This is our family joke, because I’ve said this about all the kids at this age. Babies are so full of joy and that happiness is contagious! This kid is so full of hugs and giggles, he just makes the world brighter. The whole world is new, full of discoveries, and seeing that through his eyes is an unexpected gift.
When I look at him, I see simple happiness and curiosity. His big blue eyes shine just like his Mama’s. The kid is beautiful, with an infectious smile. I’ve been given this little boy who looks to me to be his Dad, who counts on me to care for him and guide him and be there for him every time he turns around.
Who is he going to grow up to be? That’s up to him. But every one of my boys knows how to treat a woman. Every one of my boys opens the door for his mom, pulls her chair out, serves her first, and speaks with respect. It’s my job — my honor — to teach my youngest how to be a man. And I take this God-given responsibility very seriously.
I learned about honor and respect growing up in a family where we knew our parents loved us, but we also knew without their saying it, that they loved each other. We never saw them fight or disagree or argue in front of us. They personified the verse that said “the two shall become one flesh.” I learned from my dad how to treat women. Did he sit me down and lay it out? No. He lived it.
This is how I teach my boys. They see how I treat their mom. They see how I treat their sister. They see how every woman I talk to is given the respect and honesty due them. My sons open doors. They speak humbly and respectfully to adults. They treat their female friends with dignity.
Do they fight with each other? With their sister? Often, and loudly. But the tone with sis is different. This isn’t about equality. It’s about understanding that there is a difference, and it will be acknowledged.
My daughter once confided in her mom that she thinks I spoiled her for guys — that she expects too much from them, based on how we are with each other. First off, good. She needs to keep her standards high. The right guy is out there, and he won’t be someone she has to fix. Secondly, I have to say that I didn’t tell her what to look for. She knows what we have, and knows that it’s right.
My Dad and I were both Marines. The Marine Corps teaches about honor, courage & commitment. They talk about defending those who can’t defend themselves. They teach us this priority: God, family, Corps, and I’ve tried to live by that code.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 21 years of marriage. I said “for better or worse” and I meant it. The vows we take don’t change when life gets difficult.
When I look in my baby’s eyes I see innocence and trust. And a lot of love. He IS my son. He knows me as Daddy. He calls me Daddy. That’s the best feeling in the world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
One last thought — some friends of ours started a gofundme account for us, designed to fill in the current gaps in income while Jennifer is suffering serious seizures and I miss work to take care of her. The seizures are post-traumatic epilepsy directly caused by the beating she took during the assault in January of 2014. We wanted to take this opportunity to thank every single person who donated, as well as every single person who couldn’t, but left us a beautiful and encouraging message. Every word you write is read, and we pray over you and your family the way you’ve prayed over mine.
If you would like to write to us, we’d love to hear from you and the gofundme link is really the best place to do so in order that we may protect our family, for obvious reasons:
Delhi-Based Couple’s Wedding Invite Is Going Viral..Here’s Why
A Delhi-based couple has decided to invite people to their wedding with their hatke invitations and it’s going viral on Twitter.
Marriage is a union of two people, who begin a new lease of life by taking vows and making their way into a beautiful commitment! To celebrate the unison, an extravagant affair is planned that last for almost a week. And when it comes to Indian weddings, people sometimes go the extra mile to make their D-day memorable. A Delhi-based couple is the latest addition to the list, who decided to invite people to their wedding with their hatke invitations.
Twitter handle, @Stuprous_doctor, a short while ago tweeted the images of a trendy wedding invite, said to be that of Suresh Kumar and Vidhya Priyanka BD, and Twitterati just lost it. Molded in the form of an iPhone, allegedly created by Kumar’s cousin, the invites is generating a hype for its interesting design. In accordance to a BuzzFeed report, Kumar said that despite the fact that theirs was an arranged marriage, it was speedy to bloom into love and they wanted to publicize their big decision in a “weird, quirky way” to the world.
Meet this lucky man who gets paid to have s3x with prostitutes
‘John’ is 60, divorced, and gets paid to have s3x with prostitutes. Well, “more often than not it’s just a handjob” he says.
He is one of several private investigators being hired in Australia as ‘brothel busters’, who pose as regular customers in order to unearth illegal s3x work.
“I’m pretty sure plenty of fellas would be a bit envious of how I’m earning a bit of pocket money from time to time,” he told news.com.au, replying when asked whether it was a good retirement gig: “Oh, most definitely.”
His job is necessary because authorities have little power to access premises without a court order, making it difficult to bust the brothels posing as massage parlours that are ubiquitous in New South Wales.
John can provide them with highly graphic detail about the services on offer however, filing reports that can run for up to three pages and include dates, times, people, places, who, what, when, where and how much.
“It’s a document that will be used in court, so it has to be pretty detailed and very accurate. It’s not something you can waddle off in a couple of minutes,” he said.
More often than not, he claims, the parlours are fronts.
“If you looked hard enough, you might be able to find a massage parlour that doesn’t offer s3xual services,” he said. “In my experience there have only been three premises where I have gone in and not been offered that service some time during the course of the treatment.”
John notes that while some offer intercourse which he obligingly accepts, “more often than not it’s just a handjob. They just want to get it over and done with and get the next one in.”
Lachlan Jarvis, managing director of private investigation firm Lyonswood, is in charge of hiring undercover s3x investigators.
“We prefer people who are single, and obviously they have to be willing to undertake s3xual activity,” he told news.com.au.
“It’s not your typical nine-to-five, Monday-to-Friday job,” he said. “There are no time constraints, and there’s never been a stage where I’ve felt threatened or worried about my safety.”
Once She was a Shepherd Girl In Morocco, Now France’s Education Minister! Inspirational Story.
Once A Shepherd Girl In Morocco, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem Is Now France’s Education Minister!
Everybody dreams of making it big in life but very few determined souls really act upon it. The story of Najat Vallaud-Belkacem is a testament to this, who overcame all the obstacles life laid at her feet and carved her own destiny.
Once a shepherd girl of four – who fetched water from the well – Najat moved to France with her family and faced the real world full of opportunities as well as struggles. The Moroccan girl who had no proficiency in French learnt the language by the end of her first year in college.
“The fact of leaving one’s country, one’s family, one’s root can be painful, my father had already found his place, but for us, for my mother, it was very difficult to get our bearings.”
Najat inherited hard work and resourcefulness from her father who laid strict rules for his daughters – no boys and no nightclubs till the age of 18. As a result, the girls completely surrendered themselves to studies.
Najat’s sister, Fatiha, is a lawyer in Paris.
While studying at the University of Amiens, Najat got the opportunity to pursue higher education with the prestigious Institut d’études politiques de (also known as Sciences Po). This set her on the path winding the political landscape in France.
Najat worked two jobs to take the financial load off her parents while pursuing her Master’s in Public Administration. It is during this time she met Boris Vallaud, a fellow student, and the two married in 2005.
Najat’s political career began with her joining the Socialist Party as an adviser to the mayor of Lyon. She later ran for elections and won the seat of the Councillor. In 2012, she was appointed as the Minister of Women’s Affairs by François Hollande, the then Socialist president.
In 2014, she served as the Minister of Women’s Right, Minister of City Affairs, Minister of Youth Affairs and Sports. In a major cabinet shuffle, she was promoted to serve as the Minister of Education. While advising the youth who want to participate in the country’s politics, Najat said, “I have always advised the youths to get involved in politics. The best way to be happy with your future is by playing a part in it. If you’re just a spectator of collective fate, you’re bound to feel frustrated.”
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