Recently, it was revealed that 17 members of the SEC were downloading large quantities of p0rn at work while the nation’s economy was going down the toilet. The real shocker? While many who heard the story assumed — unthinkingly — all of those SEC employees were men, at least one of them was a woman. “The female accountant tried to access online p0rnography from her office laptop nearly 1,800 times in two weeks,” Forbes reports. “She also had 600 s3xually explicit images saved on her hard drive.” And that, my friends, is a lot of p0rn. The lessons to be learned? 1. Don’t download p0rn at work. 2. Women watch p0rn, too. Previously, we gave you the top 10 reasons men watch p0rn. Now, we present to you the top 10 reasons womenwatch p0rn.
1. Curiosity. A girlfriend of mine calls this the “freak show factor.” Personally, I think there is something about p0rnography that is a bit like a freak show. I mean, people look kind of weird naked and doing it. We’ve come a long way, baby, but there is a degree to which watching p0rn is still a taboo for women, and that can be its own turn-on.
2. To Get Off. Women and men may be from different planets, but they are both prone to the occasional masturbation session, and it is for that express purpose p0rn was designed. Generally, I believe women are more likely to choose mental fantasies over visual aids, but there are many women who are as visual as men and men who are as fantasy-oriented as women.
3. Learn New Moves. We can’t all be Stormy Daniels, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have s3x like p0rn stars if we aspire to do so. Whether we’re bored with the current state of our s3x lives, looking to bust out a new move on a special occasion, or have yet to perfect the fine art of fellatio, p0rn can, uh, come in, er, handy as an, um, “educational tool.”
4. Comparison Shopping. People are always yapping about how competitive men are. I have yet to meet a man who is as quietly competitive as a woman. Because a fair amount of us can’t quite make up our minds whether or not to love the body Mother Nature gave us, sometimes we watch p0rn to compare ourselves to other women. When the competition is surgically enhanced, that challenge can get a little tricky. But women also watch p0rn to compare their s3xual partners to other men. Do they measure up? Depends.
5. Ogle Guys. You know what there isn’t enough of in this world? Shirtless, bottomless, and shirtless and bottomless men. Seriously! Naked chicks? Everywhere you look. If we can’t get to the beach, we might have to visit HotNudeDudes.com, stat.
6. Kill Time. Why does one of my female coworkers watch p0rn? “To kill time before you can start a DVR’d, hour-long episode of a TV show without having to watch any commercials.” She is nothing if not efficient.
7. Get in the Mood. Several women I spoke with about their personal p0rn usage used the term “jump start.” If she’s getting ready to go out on a big date, or if her partner is on the way over for a roll in the hay, women use adult movies to get their motor runnin’. It’s like foreplay. Except you’re having s3x with the internet instead of another human being.
8. It’s His. Probably, this one should be higher up on the list. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the second most common reason women watch p0rn. Suffice to say, many women who stumble upon their man’s p0rn collection may have taken a peek at it. Or, you know, spent the next several hours watching it. In some cases, someone else’s p0rn can tell you a lot about them.
9. Explore Secret Fantasies. If a woman isn’t comfortable sharing her s3xual fantasies, she may turn to p0rn to experience them vicariously. It could be something as simple as spanking, yet she may feel awkward telling her square-as-a-peg husband that she wants to play naughty. P0rn never judges.
10. Penises. Newsflash: P3nises are weird. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. We don’t have them. We will never totally understand them. P0rn is a pen!s show.