“Can somebody tell me what’s going on?” I shouted. It was unimaginable for me that a routine check up during my pregnancy could send me to emergency and a couple of hours later I was being wheeled towards the Operation Theatre. What was wrong with everybody! I felt absolutely normal. “Mam, calm down. Doctor is on the way to speak with you”, said the nurse. I was anything but calm. Just then my doctor comes. “Shweta, I am sorry to say but your blood pressure has shot up and not come down despite the medicines we gave you. This is a very risky situation and we need to operate and remove the foetus immediately.” My world crashed the moment I heard those words. After struggling to get pregnant for five years I was finally pregnant. Why was God doing this to me! My mind was numb and I didn’t know how to react. Just then I felt something in my womb. Something moving. Something kicking. It was the first time I felt those tiny kicks. Forgetting the conversation I was having with my doctor I squealed with delight. “Doctor I just felt my baby moving. See. Touch here. Do you feel it?” I asked excitedly. But the moment I looked at her the gravity of the situation dawned upon me. No way. Absolutely no way could I let anybody do anything to my baby. I was the one to create my little bundle of joy and I couldn’t let anybody take away that life from me. Not now. Not when my baby felt safe & secure tucked within me. I got up and told the doctor that there was not a percentage of chance that I would get operated and after a lot of convincing I was referred to a bigger hospital and was admitted in the I.C.U.
I was four and a half months pregnant then. But as fate would have it I could only continue the pregnancy for one and a half months more and had to give in when the doctor said that the chances of my baby surviving outside my womb was better than in the womb.
And then came the most beautiful day of my life. I gave birth to my angel, my Navya. But a big shock came to us when we heard that the baby weighed only 600 grams. All sorts of reaction came from our friends & family. Nobody could imagine a baby weighing a mere 600 grams. But I ignored them all and was desperate to see my baby. And the moment I laid my eyes on her I was in love with her. All I saw was a perfect baby with tiny hands and legs, a beautiful face with pink lips.
But my angel was suffering. She just looked like a little fairy who had come from heaven and lost her wings. I know she wanted me to hold her. I know she wanted me to cuddle her. But I wasn’t allowed to. And after 3 days in the hospital I was discharged but I had to leave back my baby right there in the NICU. I don’t think anyone can imagine the feel. I was leaving my Navya in the hands of unknown people. It was three days already and I had still not taken her in my arms. I didn’t know how her soft hands and feet felt. I could only see her but do nothing. I went to the hospital everyday. Looking at her I felt she wanted to come to me. I felt she wanted me to take her home. Oh how helpless I felt!
My baby was a fighter. But the fight was going on for too long and so was the suffering. I had still not taken her in my arms. Days passed by and on Day 57 when I went to my baby I could feel her pain. I knew she was seeking my permission. She had already made me a proud mother. I apologized to her for not giving her the life I had dreamt for her. On Day 58 my little fairy found her wings back. She left her mamma and went back to where she had come from.
This February Navya would have been 9 years old. A tiny tear trickled down my cheeks. But I was jolted back to reality when I heard someone calling out to me “Mamma, I need your help. I am unable to complete this puzzle”. It was none other than my 7 year old daughter, Suhana. I hurried out of the room and walked towards her. Life moves on and people tend to forget. But is it possible for a mother to forget this special day. I look up in the sky and say “Happy Birthday my little fairy!”.